Timbits (Humorous Quotes From My Husband)

*While watching Sesame Street*
Tim: "Oh, I never knew Bert was a pigeon."
Becca: "Uh, He's not."
Tim: "Then what is he?"
Becca: "A guy."
Tim: "So he's not supposed to be an animal?!?"
Becca: "I'm putting this on my blog."

Timbits

It's been too long...patience pays off. Tim has said some VERY entertaining things recently...but the problem is I forget them before I can post them...and if I ask Tim, "hey what was that word you mispronounced the other day?" he will not tell me, because he knows I want to post it. Arg!
Here's one from last week:
Tim: So, I was telling my friend that Lorelai is going to be a poodle for Halloween.
Becca: *blank stare that says 'you must be kidding'*
Tim: Uh...she is going to be a poodle, right?
Becca: No. I am making her a poodle skirt. I told you this many times.
Tim: What the heck is a poodle skirt?

Thanks, Kate

I was watching Jon and Kate tonight, and Kate perfectly put into words how I was feeling on Halloween. Lorelai was NOT listening to me when I was trying to take her picture and she ended up skinning her knee.
In the episode, one of the boys wasn't listening and ran off from the group...he then promptly fell and hit his head...hard!
Kate: "Sometimes God has built-in punishments."
This one is sure to become a staple in my parenting quotes list.

Installment #2 of "Things We Make Fun of"

I'm sure you've all been on the edge of your seats since my 1st post.
Or maybe you're still laughing about the first post, "Lovin' at Stony Creek", and you're not ready for #2.
Anyway, the topic of my second post took place on our honeymoon. During our stay on the island of Aitutaki, we took a lagoon cruise. We spent a day being taken to all the best snorkeling spots in the lagoon surrounding the island. We found some amazing tropical fish and corals, and, yes folks, some humor that has stayed with us through almost 5 years of marriage.

"THE LEGEND OF CAPTAIN SEA CUCUMBER"

This is a sea cucumber. I'll admit, they aren't pretty. They were scattered in the shallow water on the shore of the lagoon. Trust me, the rest of the island was so breathtaking, they really didn't bother me. I was curious one day and actually did bring myself to touch one...it kinda felt like a plastic bag with water in it. They don't move (very quickly at least). They are kinda like the slugs of the sea, if you ask me. The natives rip them open and eat their insides...they call this "spaghetti", so if you order spaghetti the next time you're in the South Pacific, make sure you're really getting what you want. (I never did see it on a menu, though). Apparently you can rip these things open, throw the skin back in the ocean and little sea cucumber will regenerate, kinda like if you chop a worm in half. I'll stop. The details are kinda irrelevant to the story...what is relevant to the story is what these things look like. If you can't tell from the picture, they are about the size of a banana.
On said lagoon cruise, most of the other people we met were honeymooners like ourselves or older couples celebrating anniversaries. There were a few single guys...one of these guys never put sunblock on the WHOLE DAY. He was scheduled to fly home right after the cruise...I'm fairly confident that he was burned so badly that his skin probably fell off mid-flight in an X Files-esque happening. We still joke about that guy...but it wasn't funny enough to earn it's own post.
The other single guy...
We have no idea what the dude's name was...but we will never forget that LIGHT BLUE SPEEDO. Ok....it was actually a light blue pair of "euro shorts" (i think that's what they are called). Picture a guy wearing boy shorts...ok....yeah, we do call them "boy shorts", so a guy wearing them should be normal...in America, it's NOT the norm...so we found it irresistibly FUNNY (and...yikes...tight).
So...I told you about sea cucumbers.....and I told you about dude's bathing suit...I'll let you do the math.
If you hang out with Tim and I on the beach and a speedo is your style, don't feel bad...we can love you just the way you are...but don't cry if we call you Captain Sea Cucumber!

Goddess On a Mountaintop

Well, if you know me, you know I hold Martha Stewart in high esteem. I enjoy her show, but I don't watch it much during the summer. I'd rather stare out the window at the sunshine and green grass than watch daytime tv in the summer. This morning, I was getting ready and I thought I'd see what was on Martha while I did my hair. Her show was all about babies...too bad I didnt tune in until the end. Martha was having a question and answer session with a bunch of moms. Here is the exact quote:

mom: "What is a good theme for a 1 year-old's birthday party?"
Martha: " Oh my GOSH! CUPCAKES!"

I'm still smiling.

Things We Make Fun of...

I've decided to start a series of blogs called "Things We Make Fun of". Joking, mocking, laughing and teasing makes up about 50% of our marriage. The other half is made up of cleaning black cat hair off of white wall-to-wall carpet.
Oh, I'm kidding...but see what I mean? If we stop joking, we stop breathing over here.
Without further ado, installment #1 of "Things We Make Fun of"

LOVIN' AT EASTWOOD BEACH

"Lovin' at Eastwood Beach" took place at Stony Creek back when Tim and i were dating. We went swimming one day and witnessed some lovin' going on in the deep end. It was freaking hilarious. This man and woman were in the deep end all googly eyed. They were facing eachother, but the woman was floating on her back WITH HER LEGS WRAPPED AROUND THE GUY'S WAIST. For awhile, we kept stealing glances to see if they actually were "doin' it". I don't think they were. It was hilarious to us, though. If you've ever been to stony, you know it doesn't really fit the bill of "romantic location lovers should visit." It can't possibly be very romantic considering the state of the bathrooms there.
This joke has lasted through thick and thin. I think we recall the memory everytime we go to the beach there. I'm sure that we've even mockingly re-created it.

Gimmie the Pooh

Last night, before Lorelai's bath, I decided to take some birthday suit pics of her. It's been awhile since I've taken any, and her booty couldn't be any cuter. As you can see, I had her stand next to her chair for the shoot. I snapped 4 or 5 pics and then left the room to get her towel and washcloth ready. I figured Tim would keep an eye on her while I left. I was gone MAYBE one full minute...when i came back, Lorelai was sitting on the floor...there was a small poo on the floor and another LARGE poo IN HER HAND...AND SHE WAS ABOUT TO PUT IT IN HER MOUTH! I yelled, in Chris Farley down-by-the-river fashion, "OH MY GOD SHE'S GOT POOP IN HER HAND!" I rushed her onto the changing table while Tim flushed away the evidence. I then proceeded to wash her hands 3 times in the bath tub while thinking to myself, "boy, that would have made quite a picture!"
Picture obsession reaches a new level.
Most parents I talk with have some kind of "playing with poop" story. I guess this is just another feather in our parenting hat.

don't get up...i'll get it

If you read my last blog about sailing (back on myspace) you'll recall my story about the canoe people and my lapse in judgement. Apparently, my brain isn't the only one lapsing...and GOODNESS! At least my brain only lapsed for a short time before I got down to helping some people who were in need. Nothing like using the faults of strangers to boost your ego (*eye roll*)

Yesterday we went up to stony to take the boat out. We weren't sure if it was going to happen. It's a long story why, but when it's really windy, we have lots of trouble getting the boat into the water at stony. We were standing in the boat yard assessing the wind...should we or shouldn't we...hmm, when i noticed a boat in the boat launch area that looked like it was having trouble. Since we were kinda far away, we got out our binoculars (yes, folks, it's true) to get a better look at the situation. If you've even been to the boat launch area there, it's like a huge rectangle. The shore opposite the docks is all rocks...and that's where the boat seemed to be stuck. Not a place you want your boat to be touching. Well, this time, I wasn't about to be a dip crap...we grabbed some rope and headed over to see if we could help.

There was a man in is 40's, (I'm guessing) his teenage son, and their daysailer (which was doing its best to sink). If you don't know what a daysailer is, it's a small, light boat. This one was about 14 feet long and 6 feet wide. The men were in the water up to their waists trying to get all the sails off so that they could try to tip the boat and get some of the water out. Not 20 feet from them were people on the shore SUN BATHING. NO ONE WAS TRYING TO HELP THEM. No one else was even interested! HELLO!

We got the guys our bucket so that they could bail the water out. We carried their gear while they stayed in the water and walked the boat around the perimeter of the boat launch area back to the dock. I kid you not, as we made our way around, this dumb kid actually started babbling some crap to us because he had to move so we could get through. I'll refrain from sharing my thoughts on that one.

We got the guys back to the dock and the dad thanked us for our help. He never seemed super excited that we offered our help, though. I think he probably was pretty embarrassed about the whole situation. He probably intended to bring his son out for some quality time in the great outdoors and ended up almost sinking his boat. I'm sure he wasn't feeling the best at that moment.

I was happy to be able to help (and redeem myself from last week's happenings). Being on a boat is weird...it can be so relaxing, but you can also feel so helpless when trouble arises (even when you are a foot from the shore, but all available persons are tied up with getting a tan).

I'm also considering turning this into a business, because AGAIN the park ranger and their boat was no where to be found. I could get a red suit and implants like Pam Anderson wore on Baywatch...and Tim could take on the David Hasslehoff role. I'll keep you updated.